Always Hungry

 

Vegetarian friends and folks, please weigh in!

So B and I are on our 5th straight day of being vegetarians. So far, so good. No uncontrollable urges, no weeping fits over missing pork chops, and instead of dreaming about them at night, I only drool a couple of seconds now over photos of fried crab. Whew.

One thing I’ve noticed, though, is this: Every time we eat, I feel like I haven’t really eaten anything. Which makes me snack more often than I did before. Which means: That myth about vegetarians being thin? Might not work on me.

Of course, it could very well just be a period of adjustment, and eventually, my body will get used to the fact that it’s not getting any fatty animal parts and will therefore stop asking to be stuffed. In the meantime, I’m crossing my fingers, drinking lots of water and chanting that comforting phrase that we all chant when we’re at the end of our ropes and wits: This too, shall pass.*

*BTW, did you know that this phrase actually originated from a Jewish folk tale involving King Solomon? Here’s the story, according to Wikipedia:

One day Solomon decided to humble Benaiah Ben Yehoyada, his most trusted minister. He said to him, “Benaiah, there is a certain ring that I want you to bring to me. I wish to wear it for Sukkot which gives you six months to find it.” ”If it exists anywhere on earth, your majesty,” replied Benaiah, “I will find it and bring it to you, but what makes the ring so special?” ”It has magic powers,” answered the king. “If a happy man looks at it, he becomes sad, and if a sad man looks at it, he becomes happy.”Solomon knew that no such ring existed in the world, but he wished to give his minister a little taste of humility. Spring passed and then summer, and still Benaiah had no idea where he could find the ring. On the night before Sukkot, he decided to take a walk in one of the poorest quarters of Jerusalem. He passed by a merchant who had begun to set out the day’s wares on a shabby carpet.”Have you by any chance heard of a magic ring that makes the happy wearer forget his joy and the broken-hearted wearer forget his sorrows?” asked Benaiah. He watched the grandfather take a plain gold ring from his carpet and engrave something on it. When Benaiah read the words on the ring, his face broke out in a wide smile. That night the entire city welcomed in the holiday of Sukkot with great festivity. “Well, my friend,” said Solomon, “have you found what I sent you after?” All the ministers laughed and Solomon himself smiled. To everyone’s surprise, Benaiah held up a small gold ring and declared, “Here it is, your majesty!” As soon as Solomon read the inscription, the smile vanished from his face. The jeweler had written three Hebrew letters on the gold band: gimel, zayin, yud, which began the words “Gam zeh ya’avor” — “This too shall pass.” At that moment Solomon realized that all his wisdom and fabulous wealth and tremendous power were but fleeting things, for one day he would be nothing but dust.

Why Gourmet Magazine Should Hire My Friend, Melissa

My writing friend Melissa just got her hours cut. But I’m not worried–someone as fabulous, intelligent and hardworking as she is ought to find a better opportunity in no time. At least, I hope!

Heniweys, she’s been keeping a kick-ass blog, Cooking Gourmet, to track her attempt to cook all 1,300 recipes in the Gourmet Cookbook. Sounds good, but wait `till you see the pictures. Thank goodness we don’t live close by, or I just might not be able to go vegetarian. Kidding. Somewhat.

Her most recent post is an open letter to Ruth Reichl, Editor-in-Chief of Gourmet Magazine. It’s hilarious, but also spot-on. If I was Ms. Reichl, I’d definitely give her a shot. (And oh, Ms. Reichl, perhaps you need a veggie columnist too? Vegetarianism is fast-becoming the current trend, I hear.)

With Melissa’s permission, here’s the post:

Melissa Needs a Job, or Oh Ruth Reichl, Don’t You Need a Freelancer?

All good things in life must come to an end, and although my primary, wonderful job has not come to a COMPLETE stop, it’s a shell of its former self and that, my friends, is why I’m letting you know that Melissa, Your Most Faithful Correspondent, needs a job. Sooner rather than later.    

I know, join the crowd at the food pantry. But hear me out, folks– I’ve got mad skilz in the cooking department, and I’m also a pretty snappy writer. DON’T YOU THINK that makes me perfect for working at someplace like, oh, Gourmet Magazine? 

So here’s an open letter to Ruth Reichl. Feel free to chime in with your support in the comments section and you too can tell Ruth how awesome I am.

Dear Ms. Reichl,

I know, it’s a total long shot. And it’s true that it might be perceived as a conflict of interest that I’m cooking through your massive, beautiful yellow cookbook, reviewing recipes in a contentedly unbiased fashion, unpaid by Gourmet, or Conde Nast, or whoever your corporate overlords are. 

But I have a beautiful capacity to take money and be unbiased. In fact, I would make a great politician. And don’t you want a column featuring things like my upcoming adventure tenderizing octopus in my washing machine? I think you do. I am sending amazing psychic brain waves to your apartment to that effect.

(Ruth….you need a columnist…a funny one…octupi + washing machines = increased readership…you’ll probably get a raise…)

Are my amazing psychic brain waves working? Not yet? OK, well, how about this: when you invite me to NY for an interview, you don’t even have to put me up in a hotel room because my in-laws live on Long Island. See? I know how to save money.

(Hire Melissa…but not to dust, she’s a terrible duster…)

Hey, Amazing Psychic Brain Waves, whose side are you on? It’s not that I’m a terrible duster, it’s that I don’t SEE dust. My mascara has these dust-filter thingies. In fact, dusting is the next thing on my list to do. Here’s my list:

1. Beg for job
2. Dust

(Ruth…you also shouldn’t hire her to clean out the cat litter box…)

OK, look. If the job is Columnist + Office Duster, I’m probably not your gal. And I doubt you have a litter box in your test kitchen (although, have you seen those joke cakes? In a (new) litter box, with bran cereal and Tootsie Rolls mooshed up to look like…you know? I’m sure the Gourmet Test Kitchen has never turned out anything like that, and Readers, I’d like to assure you that The Gourmet Cookbook does NOT feature anything that even remotely resembles Tootsie Rolls mooshed up to look like cat doody.)

Here are ten other good reasons to hire me:

1. I don’t snore, except when I’ve had too much to drink, which is only when I get laid off from jobs.

2. I am brilliant at giving tours. When you come to Gloucester to meet me I’ll take you to the Crow’s Nest and explain how it fits into the fishing industry while we drink beer and play pool.

3. I suck at pool, which means you’ll probably win.

4. I’m good at poker, though, so consider yourself forewarned.

5. I also don’t really drink beer, I’m more of a Bombay Girl. Well, Gordon’s when I’ve had my hours cut.

6. Even though I’m a cat person I also like dogs, when they’re Good Dogs. In fact, I’m in love with the Cocker Spaniel who lives next door. His name is Leo. The fact that I’m in love with him has nothing whatsoever to do with the fact that his owner is a cute musician. I’m already married to a cute musician. One is enough.

7. I can do a headstand.

8. And a backbend. Well, kind of.

9. I am learning karate so if you ever get attacked by a mugger while we’re walking down the street I will kick his ass. But you have to wait a few years for this side-benefit of hiring me. Right now I can only stomp on feet. I might be able to break a nose.

10. I can speak enough French and Spanish to be able to get into trouble in foreign countries with my non-comprehension of what they say back. Think of how much fun it would be to travel with me.

There, ten excellent reasons. I can come up with more. Don’t make me do it.

Ruth. Call me.

978 879-9120

Yours sincerely,
Melissa

P.S. Crazy people, DO NOT call me. Unless you are offering me a job with health insurance, retirement benefits, and vacation pay. Because as we all know, being crazy and being able to offer a job are not mutually exclusive.

————————–

And here is my recommendation letter:

Dr. Ms. Reichl,

This brief comment is to attest that yes, Melissa Bach Palladino is all things wonderful and it is to your and Gourmet’s best interest to welcome her to your team.

Aside from the 10 convincing reasons she mentioned above, I would also like to add one crucial point: Melissa is drop-dead gorgeous, and as columnists go, that’s definitely a plus. Who knows, you might even get more men subscribing to your magazine, even if they don’t make any attempts at cooking. Women too. Because I’m sure Gourmet is all about non-discrimination and equal opportunity.

Should you need to contact me, please don’t hesitate to call (386) 338-XXXX. Although be forewarned, hubby and I rarely pick up. You know, annoying relatives and all.

Sincerely,

This Little Piggy

Liked this post? Agree that Melissa is all that and more? Then please Digg this or leave a lovely comment on Mel’s blog. Who knows? We might just help her get Gourmet Magazine’s attention.

Heat May Spark World Food Crisis

It’s hard to think about heat and drought when one has to wear four layers of clothes and to keep a fire going all day just to be able to function in semi-comfort. But yes, I do recognize that while we’re trying not to freeze in our own tiny corner of the world, people in other corners are likely experiencing other extremes. What’s more, staying comfortable could very well be the least of their concerns.

In a new report, US scientists warn that half the world’s population could face a food crisis by 2100 due to extreme climate conditions. 2100 seems so far away–I know B and I would be six feet under by then–but for the kids who are just now being planned or born, that’s in their lifetime. 

“The stresses on global food production from temperature alone are going to be huge,” said Mr Battisti, a professor of atmospheric sciences, in an interview with BBC. ”And that doesn’t take into account water supplies stressed by the higher temperatures.”

Dr Geoff Hawtin, director general of the International Centre for Tropical Agriculture (CIAT) and a former executive secretary of the Global Crop Diversity Trust, says that because we don’t know at what speed the growing season temperatures will rise, it’s crucial to act as quickly and efficiently as possible. ”We don’t know where the tipping points are,” he told BBC News, “they could come quite quickly.”

What can we do about this? Lots. Such as:

First, you can read the full article here, to get a better picture of the problem.

Second, let’s each do our part in conserving crucial natural resources, like water. Without water, we’re all kaput. And with the exponential increase in human populations, combined with drastic changes in the environment due to global warming and other causes, the earth’s water supply is fast-approaching the red zone. For ideas on water conservation, clicky here.

 

Third, if you can’t eliminate meat from your diet (and that is your right and choice), then please do consider cutting down on your intake. Raising huge quantities of animals for consumption destroys top soil crucial for farming and contributes to global warming. As I mentioned in a previous post, if we ate the plants we feed to animals, it will help solve the world’s food crisis.

Cheers, and thanks for listening.

The Virtues of Shutting Up

The more I talk, write and chip in my two well-worn cents in one forum or another, the more I realize that words are (largely) meaningless. It’s not that words aren’t useful–we still have to communicate–but most of what’s being said, when I really think about it, is just fluff. Space fillers.

Example #1

I try as much as propriety allows to speak honestly, but I also know that sometimes, in my quest to be kind and encouraging, I often use words that don’t really correspond to reality. Something that is pleasing and admirable becomes “great.” A small victory–such as someone winning in an online game or finding their keys or finally getting rid of a pimple–becomes “awesome” or “fantastic.” An impressive work is likened to a famous person’s obra maestra. Etc. Etc.

Mind you, it’s not like I’m lying or faking it. It’s just that in a world that has largely opened itself up to intense communal discussion of even the most trivial issues…where one person has not just one blog, but two or three…where every thought and every move is recorded on Twitter, Facebook or some other online networking site…words are now a dime-a-dozen. Simply saying that something is “okay” is now almost akin to a put-down, even when meant as a compliment.

Example #2

When I open my mouth to talk about the various horrid things going on in the world, a huge part of me feels like such a hypocrite. I know that I’m just spouting air bubbles, living in the ether. It’s easy to have an opinion from the safety and comfort of my couch, when nothing that I could ever say or imagine can ever come close to the reality, to the hell people who are affected by the issue must be going through.

Example #3

Words are often a source of misunderstanding. Milan Kundera, one of my fave authors, explains it well in his novel “The Unbearable Lightness of Being.” Basically, he says that as they age, people slowly build a repertoire of meanings for various words–and everything they think, say or do is filtered through that very personal repertoire.

The same word, therefore, could mean something entirely different from one person to the other. Take “love.” While some people think that sex has nothing to do with love, others would disagree. While some think that to love someone is to let them go, others believe that to love someone is to fight for them to the very end. There are people who think love and violence are incompatible, still others who think laying down one’s life–or the lives of innocents–is sometimes a necessity in defending what one loves. Etc. etc.

Consequently, when someone uses the word “love,” it often carries certain implications and expectations that don’t necessarily correspond to another person’s understanding of the same word. The root cause of most arguments isn’t about what’s being said, but how it’s being said. 

Example #4

I find it wonderful when people who don’t speak the same language arrive at an understanding. One could be speaking in Chinese, the other Russian–and for all purposes they could as well be speaking Alien–yet they still get what the other is trying to say, and vice versa. It seems that there is one underlying language in all humanity, one that cuts across all ages, races, biases and beliefs. It’s what makes two people from opposite sides of the globe laugh, cry or react in exactly the same way over the same thing–even if they’ve never met or heard of each other before. Even if one eats cows, and the other venerates cows. Even if they worship on opposite sides of the Wall. 

On the Flip Side

However. I DO think there’s something to be said for not shutting up. For one, talking generates buzz and energy that helps propel people to action.What’s more–and perhaps this is more urgent, in a personal way–because of how small the world has become, to talk less is to invite isolation. More and more, relationships are being built and nurtured online. It’s a double-edged sword: The same thing that brings us closer to each other–the Internet–is also what brings us further and further apart. When human touch and face-to-face contact is replaced by emoticons and a glowing screen, our need to talk more, to share our lives, to connect with someone else, intensifies. It’s not really easy to just shut up.

 

So there you go. I seem to have said a lot, for someone who finds it admirable to rein in her words. Oh well! Maybe next time.

Why?

 

I’ve been focusing on rocks. Important rocks–rocks that count–but small rocks, nevertheless. Somewhere in my field of vision, there are boulders and mountains crumbling down. I see them, but have been too distraught by the idea to really look. But one has to look at some point. So I’m looking now.

That boulder, right there, that’s Gaza. I admit I only have a vague understanding of why the two sides (Israel vs. Hamas) are bombing/attacking each other. So I decided to do some digging over the Internet. It’s a long, complicated and tangled history, spanning generations and generations. One site, mideastweb.org, tries to put the reasons for the conflict in a nutshell. The following are only excerpts; I highly recommend checking out their site–or a similar source–to get a clearer picture.

Divisive History

Judea, home of the Jews in ancient times, was conquered by the Romans and renamed Palestine. Palestine was later conquered and inhabited by Arabs for over a thousand years. The Zionist movement arose to restore the Jews to Israel, largely ignoring the existing Arab population. Following the Balfour Declaration in 1917, Palestine was granted to Britain as a League of Nations mandate to build a national home for the Jewish people. The Arabs resented the Jews coming in to take their land. Led by Grand Mufti Hajj Amin El Husseini, they rioted repeatedly and later revolted, creating a history of enmity between Jews and Arabs in Palestine. Britain stopped Jewish immigration to Palestine. Following the Holocaust, in which 6 million Jews were killed by the Nazis, pressure on Britain increased to allow Jewish immigration to Palestine. In 1947, the UN partitioned the land into Arab and Jewish states. The Arabs did not accept the partition and war broke out. The Jews won a decisive victory, expanded their state and created several hundred thousand Palestinian refugees. The Arab states refused to recognize Israel or make peace with it. Wars broke out in 1956, 1967, 1973 and 1982, and there were many terror raids and Israeli reprisals. 

Occupation, Land and Settlements

Israel has occupied the West bank and Gaza Strip (about 2,200 square miles) since the 1967 6-day war, and has built settlements with a population of about 220,000, mostly in the West Bank. Palestinians demand withdrawal from all of the land conquered in the 1967 and evacuation of the settlements. Israel continued to expand settlements throughout the peace process that began in 1993 and continues to do so today. In the final status negotiations at Camp David and Taba, Israel offered to turn over 97% of the land in the West Bank and all of Gaza, as well as Arab sections of Jerusalem. This offer was turned down by the Palestinians.

Palestinian State

Originally formed to regain all of Palestine for the Palestinian Arabs, the Palestine Liberation Organization signaled that it would accept a two state solution in 1988. The Oslo accords were supposed to have led to a peaceful resolution of the conflict, but continued Israeli settlement and Palestinian violence and incitement degenerated into open conflict in September 2000.

Mainstream Palestinians demand a state in the West Bank and Gaza. Right wing Israelis are opposed to creating a state, because, they claim, it would be a base for terror groups. In final status negotiations, the Israeli government agreed to a demilitarized Palestinian state with limited control over its borders and resources – a “state minus.” The Palestinians have won a commitment for a state from the UN, and from US President Bush. The Road Map peace plan is intended to result in a Palestinian state. The Oslo Accords and the Road Map are opposed by Palestinian extremist groups like Hamas and by Zionist extremists.

Refugees

About 726,000 Palestinians were expelled or fled their homes in 1948 in the war that followed the creation of Israel, and additional Palestinians fled in 1967. There are now about 4 million Palestinian refugees. Many of them live in crowded refugee camps in poor conditions in the West Bank and Gaza, in Jordan, Syria, Lebanon and Iraq. Palestinians demand that these refugees should have the right to return to their homes in Israel under UN General Assembly Resolution 194. Israelis note that an almost equal number of Jews fled Arab lands to Israel in 1948. Israelis oppose return of the refugees because that would create an Arab Palestinian majority and would put an end to Israel as a Jewish state. Most Palestinian groups, including the Fateh, agree, and openly proclaim that resolution of the refugee issue by granting right of return would mean the end of Israel.

Palestinian Terror

Almost all Palestinian groups were founded with the declared aim of destroying Israel by violence, and had a history of terrorist activities. Only the PLO (Palestine Liberation Organization) has renounced this aim officially. In 1993, the PLO signed the Oslo Declaration of Principles, renouncing violence and agreeing to honor UN SC Resolution 242, which implicitly recognizes the right of Israel to exist. In return, Israel allowed the PLO to enter the West Bank and Gaza strip, and Palestinians gained autonomous control of most of the population of these areas. Extremist Palestinian groups that objected to the agreements began a campaign of ambushes and suicide bombings against Israel. The Palestine National Authority claimed they could not control the dissident groups. Final status negotiations faltered in September 2000. Ariel Sharon visited the Temple mount (Haram as Sharif), which includes the Al-Aqsa mosque on September 28, though he did not enter either of the mosques.. This ignited violent riots, that were met with lethal force by the IDF. The violence became generalized “resistance,” called “the Intifadeh,” and involving large sectors of the population as well as the Palestine National Authority itself, and the Palestinian police force set up by the Oslo agreements. Polls indicate that about half the Palestinians believe that the aim of the Intifadeh is to destroy Israel. Since September 28, 2000, Palestinians have killed over a thousand Israelis in terror and suicide attacks. Israelis have killed over 3,500 Palestinians in “defense” operations and reprisals, including many civilians. The Intifadeh destroyed the belief of many Israelis in the possibility of peace, and destroyed the credibility of Yasser Arafat and the PLO as peace partners. Israeli retaliation and repression further embittered the Palestinians.

Israeli Repression

Israel responded to Palestinian violence at the beginning of the Oslo process by limiting the flow of Palestinian workers to Israel to prevent infiltration of terrorists, and by strict checks at border checkpoints. The border closing drastically reduced the Palestinian standard of living. Palestinians who did come to work were often subjected to humiliating searches and very long waits at checkpoints. Following terror attacks at the checkpoints, nervous IDF (Israel Defense Forces – the Israeli Army) soldiers sometimes were too quick to open fire on suspicious vehicles, killing innocent civilians. Checkpoints around Jerusalem made it difficult for Palestinians to get to work in Jerusalem and to travel between Palestinian towns.

After September 2000, Israeli reprisals for Palestinian terror raids became increasingly severe, including assassinations of wanted terrorists that Palestinians refused to arrest. Following a series of deadly suicide bombings in March of 2002, Israel launched operation Defensive Wall in the West Bank and has since reoccupied most of the territories ceded to to the Palestinians in the West Bank. The IDF set up additional checkpoints and has kept towns under virtual siege with extended periods of curfew, disrupting work, education and daily life. Ditches surround towns, preventing people from leaving. The IDF has killed over 3,500 Palestinians, demolished houses and uprooted olive groves. After a recent IDF study showed that the demolitions do not deter suicide bombings, demolitions of the houses of suicide bombers were discontinued, but houses are still demolished for other reasons.

In addition to measures taken to ensure security, Israeli extremist settlers have harassed Palestinians, destroyed property, uprooted olive trees and killed several Palestinians in doubtful circumstances. The perpetrators are rarely identified and almost never prosecuted.

Israeli Security

The area of Israel within its pre-1967 armistice borders is slightly less than 8,000 square miles. The distance from Tel Aviv to the green line border of Israel (West Bank) is about 11 miles.( see map of distances ), Tel Aviv, Jerusalem and other Israeli cities are within artillery range of any Palestinian state. Israel therefore insists on guarantees that a Palestinian state would be demilitarized. The West Bank has enormous strategic importance to any country wishing to invade Israel. Israel therefore insists on guarantees that the Palestinian state would not allow a foreign army to enter its borders, and has insisted on bases within the West Bank.

The site goes on to mention other factors, including the fight for water sources and Jerusalem (which plays an equally-important role in Judaism, Christianity, and Islam).

Reading all this, I know I still have a lot to learn about what’s going on and what I could do about it. But several questions have been gnawing at me, and I really would love to be enlightened. For example:

Why is it so important for Israel to remain a Jewish state as opposed to just being a state of its citizens? It is, in fact, one of the reasons why they’ve continually refused to let Palestinian refugees back into Israel.

On the other side of the equation: Why is Hamas, as said so in their charter, so hell-bent on replacing the state of Israel with a Palestinian Islamic state?

These two are obviously related. So perhaps the main, underlying issue that’s been bugging me is this: Why should religion enter the picture at all, when defining a state? And why must its defense always involve violence?

These may seem like stupid questions, and may reflect my flimsy and awkward grasp of the whole situation. But I really, honestly would love to understand better. Help! 

I Can’t Have Children…

..because I don’t think my heart can take it. I’ll probably die young from all the emotional strain–and B, the same–and our little one will probably end up an orphan.

Gumby

Case-in-point: Last week, B and I had to rush our pet cat, Gumby, to the vet because there was a dark-colored, foul-smelling liquid coming out of his ear. We had less than 30 minutes before closing time to make it. Picture the scene: both of us not showered and unbrushed, me with boots placed on the wrong feet because I was hurrying, B gunning through the speed limit while Gumby meows miserably in his cage.

We finally get to the clinic and the vet looks inside Gumby’s ear and pooh-poohs it off. “C’est presque rien,” he says. “C’est une otite, mais benigne.” (It’s almost nothing. It’s an “otite”–a type of ear infection–but benign.) He pours antibiotic into Gumby’s ear, and rubs it about. Still, I ask him a zillion questions in stumbling French, and since we were already there, had him give Gumby his annual shots. A few more minutes and we’re heading back home, a subdued pet on my lap. Whew.

But apparently, that wasn’t the end of it.

Within a short time, the ear infection turned into this huge, hard mass that doesn’t stink anymore but makes Gumby look like one of those cartoon characters that got whacked on the head. Worried, B and I again brought him to the vet, who looked at the lump carefully and said “Hmmm…Je ne sais pas. C’est quoi, ca? (Hmmm…I don’t know. What is that?) He then proceeded to name several possible causes, but admits he hasn’t seen anything like it before. At a loss, he gave us antibiotics in the form of pills, which we have been force-feeding to Gumby the past several days.

Well, he was scratching his head last night and the lump burst and a huge wallop of pus and blood came oozing out. Left in its place is this sizable hole, the size of a child’s fingernail, and I COULD SEE HIS FLESH inside. Aaaahhh!!!

you could skate on this

The problem is, we’ve been stuck indoors since yesterday, and will probably be for the whole week. The road is layered with slick, hard ice (not snow)–basically an accident waiting to happen. Our neighbor tried to brave it and to drive his car to work, and he didn’t even get past the village before the wheels skidded and he plowed into another car. No one in these here parts is going out. In nearly 30 departments in France, especially the rural areas, roads and public transportations are closing down.

Because of this, I’ll be missing an important appointment (which means I’ll have to resubmit paperwork and wait for another three months). But more importantly, because of this, we can’t bring Gumby to the vet. Aaaaaaahhh!!!

So what do we do? We periodically dab hydrogen peroxide on the wound and continue giving Gumby his antibiotics. We’re also keeping him indoors for now, at least until the hole closes up. But looking at him, all miserable, and seeing that huge wound on his head, my heart is breaking. And if this is what it’s like when we have a pet, what more when we have a kid?

P.S. I’m also a bit scared about the extreme weather changes going on all over the world. If what we’re seeing isn’t a proof of global warming and our need to act now, then I don’t know what is. What kind of world will we be leaving to our kids?!

Conversations With X

The following are rough transcripts of phone conversations between B, my hubby, and X, someone very dear to us. Translated from French.

I. This Morning

B: So, just to let you know, we’ve finally decided to go vegetarian.
X: Really?
B: Yes. Remember? We were talking about it over Christmas.
X: Yes, yes. (pause) But you’ll still eat fish, right?
B: No. No animals. 
X: No fish? How about mussels? Clams? Shrimps?
B: Nope. Nothing that was previously alive.
X: (alarmed) But so what will you eat?!
B: (laughing) Oh, you know. Tomatoes with eggs…vegetables…fruits…We just want to avoid meat.
X: I see. (pause) But not when we’re at so-and-so’s house, right?
B: Yes.
X: Even there?
B: We have to. Either we do this or we don’t. 
X: But you cannot NOT eat meat at so-and-so!
B: (laughing) I’m sure they’ll also have delicious vegetables, right? It’s important for us to stick to this.
X: Yes, yes. Of course. For your health. 
B: Yes, for that, but more importantly, for our beliefs. We can’t stand to see animals suffer.
X: I know. Of course. It’s out of respect. I completely understand.
B: Thanks. We know you would!

II. This Afternoon

X: So I was thinking…you’ll still have choucroute* at my choucroute party, right?
B: You mean the choucroute that has at least three different types of meat in it? (laughs)
Nope. We’ll probably just eat the cabbage, nothing more.
X: Okay. I see. (pause) But you’ll at least eat quiche?
B: (knowing that the quiche in question is usually stuffed with bacon) Uhm, no. Sorry!
X: Just vegetables? That’s it?
B: And fruit.

(long pause) 

X: (in a tone that suggests let’s wait and see) I guess if that’s what you want.
 

*A specialty in France’s Alsace region, the choucroute is similar to the German dish, sauerkraut. Often cooked in wine, it is made out of pickled cabbages, potatoes and several different types of meat (e.g. smoked ham hocks and sausages)

Do Meat-Eaters Have More Sex?

A recent post of mine has made me curious…and curiouser. It’s Gerard Depardieu (or at least, his character), and his theories about sex, booze and eating meat, in the film Green Card.

To recap: Depardieu, meat-eater, steals the girl (Andie MacDowell) from his vegetarian boyfriend. Depardieu’s character insinuates that said boyfriend–as evidenced by his eating habits, among other things–is lacking in passion. Is not so big on carpe diem.

This is something I’ve already heard murmured here and there before. Something to the effect of meat increasing testosterone levels, etc. And I’m curious to know: Do you think it’s true?

To be more precise: Do you, dear visitor to this teeny blog, think that there’s somehow a connection between sexual appetite and eating meat? I’m not talking about passion and lust for life, here. That runs on both sides of the equation, methinks. I’m talking about sex. Libido.

If you’re a doctor, nutritionist, long-time practicing vegetarian/vegan or have read something that can shed light on the subject, I’d love to hear from you. If you simply have a strong opinion about the subject, I’d love to hear from you as well. Thanks for voting and/or leaving a comment!

Do You Really Think We’re Boring?

B and I don’t really drink or smoke. Now, we plan on not eating meat either. It’s a good thing we don’t really socialize much–partly because we’re working on stuff (he plays guitar, I dawdle on Facebook), partly because it’s too cold to venture out (there’s a foot-long patch of frost on the roof!) and partly because no one really invites us anyway (the herd of cows up our street are really stuffy). Anyways, while stocking up for our veggie quest, B remembers a scene from Gérard Depardieu’s film, GreenCard*, in which Depardieu’s character makes fun of vegetarian people and calls Andie MacDowell’s boyfriend, with every bit of insinuation possible, “that vegetarian.“ 

A light bulb explodes in B’s head. He turns to me: “We’ll be one of those!”

“One of what?” I say.

“One of those pale, thin, boring people no one wants to invite to parties because they don’t know what to do with them.”

He’s half-joking, of course. We don’t think plant-eaters are boring, although it’s true that all the vegetarians we’ve met so far are pale and thin. But there’s a nugget in what he said: It’s highly unlikely we’ll go through this without any ribbing from certain people and friends.

Heniweys. Browsing online, I chanced upon an essay in Slate Magazine entitled “Meatless Like Me.” It was written by Taylor Clark,  whose first book, Starbucked: A Double Tall Tale of Caffeine, Commerce, and Culture,was pubbed by Little, Brown and Company in 2007. In the article, Clark echoes my hubby’s sentiments, exactly:

“I’ve been vegetarian for a decade, and when it comes up, I still get a look of confused horror that says, ‘But you seemed so … normal.’ The U.S. boasts more than 10 million herbivores today, yet most Americans assume that every last one is a loopy, self-satisfied health fanatic, hellbent on draining all the joy out of life.”

He goes on to rebut other myths and stereotypes about vegetarians and vegetarianism. Contrary to what most people think, he says, most vegetarians:

…DO know meat taste good.

…are not salad freaks. Every vegetarian is used to slim pickings when dining out, so we’re not asking for much—just for something you, if you were in our shoes, would like to eat. 

…appreciate when our omnivore friends prepare something for us at parties, but don’t expect or want them to bend over backwards.

He goes on to say: And when you eat meat in front of us, we’re not silently judging you.

Clark is hilarious, and I had a kick out of–and pretty much agree with–what he says. If you’re curious to read on, here’s the link.

 

*In Green Card, the “meat-eater” does get the girl. Says YumHummus in a thread post about vegetarians in film: “Depardieu’s appeal, in contrast to the pale, skinny aesthete with whom MacDowell had been wasting her time, apparently comes from his insistence on preparing her a beefy dinner over her objections. Depardieu disparages his rival as ‘that vegetarian’ and teaches MacDowell a lesson of carpe diem expressed through the holy trinity of sex, wine, and meat, as if the three were somehow connected.”

If They Do It, Why Shouldn’t We?

One question I’ve been puzzling with over going veggie is this: Animals themselves eat other animals. Not all of them, of course. Some are natural herbivores, preferring to eat plants unless unusual circumstances/dire situations lead them to do otherwise. But a good number of them do, and in fact eat even members of their own species. Often WHILE they’re still alive. So if animals themselves eat other animals, why should we–B and me–consciously exclude ourselves from the carnivorous clan?

And I came to this conclusion: It’s because animals eat for necessity, while humans tend to eat for pleasure. Animals eat only what they need to survive, while humans do indulge and can go on eating even when they’re already full. It’s because I, as a member of the dominant race, have more control over what goes into my mouth and why. I have options, which I can weigh and analyze to ad infinitum. I have a choice.

The above reasons are good enough for me. If you have anything to add, for or otherwise, I’d be interested to hear it.  :)

 

 

Addendum:

After browsing a bit on the Internet, I saw so many other compelling reasons to going green. Here are just a few of my faves:

• In general, vegetarians have a 20% lower mortality rate (i.e. they live longer and don’t get sick as often)

• Some farmers use tranquilizers to keep animals calm. Others routinely use antibiotics to prevent infections. When you eat meat you ingest those drugs. In America, 55% of all antibiotics are fed to animals.

• Avoiding meat is one of the best and simplest ways to cut down on your fat consumption. Modern farm animals are deliberately fattened up to increase profits.  It’s much easier to become (and stay) slim if you are vegetarian. 

• Half of the rainforests in the world have been destroyed to clear ground to graze cattle to make beef burgers. The burning of forests contributes to 20% of all green-house gases. Roughly 1,000 species a year become extinct because of the destruction of the rain forests.  An inch of topsoil takes 200-1000 years to develop, yet in the USA, they have lost around 1/3 of their prime topsoil in 200 years (around 7 inches) due to animal farming.

• Eating the plants we grow instead of feeding them to animals is one solution to the food shortage problems in parts of the world. Consider this: 100 acres of land will produce enough wheat to feed 240 people, but only enough beef for 20 people.

In Good Company

Before this, the only famous vegetarians I knew were Drew Barrymore, Alicia Silverstone and Phoebe, from Friends. But apparently, according to www.happycow.net and the following video from JakubNo on YouTube, there are veggies galore in celebrity-monde.

 

 

Some of the names I was glad to see, but didn’t really surprise me:

Albert Einstein, scientist
All the Beatles–John Lennon, Paul McCartney, George Harrison and Ringo Starr–AND Yoko Ono
Aristotle, Greek philosopher
Charles Darwin, scientist
Deepak Chopra, author and doctor 
Gandhi, Hindu spiritual leader 
H.G. Wells, English writer
Jane Goodall, primatologist, educator, and animal rights advocate
Leonardo Da Vinci, Italian painter and inventor, vegan
Plato, Greek philosopher and student of Socrates 
Rosa Parks, civil rights activist 
Sir Isaac Newton, physicist
Scott Adams, cartoonist and creator of ‘Dilbert’
Thomas Alva Edison, inventor
Vincent van Gogh, Dutch Post-Impressionist artist

Some made me do a doubletake:

Abraham Lincoln, former President of the United States
Alanis Morissette, singer
Antoni Gaudi, architect (one of my faves, now that I’ve seen La Sagrada Familia in Barcelona)
Ariana Huffington, writer and political activist
Brad Pitt, actor (what about Angelina Jolie?)
Cathy Guisewaite, writer of the comic CATHY
Cesar Chavez, United Farm Workers union organizer
Charlotte Bronte, novelist
Chris Martin, lead singer and musician of Coldplay (I *heart* Coldplay!)
Dennis Kucinich, politician, vegan
Eddie Vedder, singer and songwriter of Pearl Jam
Ellen Degeneres, TV personality, vegan
Emily Dickinson, writer and poet 
Forest Whitaker, actor
Franz Kafka, writer
Henry David Thoreau, poet and writer
Immanuel Kant, philosopher 
Ira Glass, NPR’s This American Life (go, Ira!)
Jason Mraz, singer, vegan (yowza!)
JD Salinger, American novelist 
Jenna Jameson, porn actress
Joaquin Phoenix, actor, vegan
Kelly Osbourne, daughter of Ozzy Osbourne 
Lauren Bush, niece of George W. Bush (too bad it didn’t run in the family)
Leo Tolstoy, Russian writer and philosopher 
Mark Twain, writer
Michael Jackson, singer and The King of Pop 
Nelly, rap musician 
Orlando Bloom, actor 
Pink, pop singer 
Rainer Maria Rilke, writer 
Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and poet 
Tommy Lee, musician of Mötley Crüe, and his ex-wife, Pamela Anderson
Weird Al Yankovic, comedian and musician, vegan
 
Who knew? The list is long, and fun to read. Check out the full roster here.

Not Quite There Yet.

 

I. Morning

Checking our cupboards for what we need to get, I discover that we still had two big jars of bolognese sauce left, along with a tin of sardines.

“Can we just leave them there for when we get desperate?” I ask B.

“If I ever get desperate, I’d rather have roasted chicken,” he says.

“So what do we do?”

“Eat them. Because once we start, I don’t want to go back.”

So I sautee garlic, onion and mushrooms and empty the two jars. Boil some pasta. Mix them together. And voila! With the sardines and some rice, our meals our covered until dinner tomorrow. Looks like our veggie life starts on Sunday. 

 

II.  Night

Our loot today from the grocery store includes stuff you’d expect in a herbivore’s kitchen: canned and fresh fruits and vegetables, muesli, brown rice, soy milk, etc. etc. But the bill’s just as expensive as when we had meat. Because apparently, the more energy one spends in restricting certain urges, the less energy one has in avoiding other temptations–as seen from the cookie boxes and huge tub of Panettone that “jumped” into our cart.

I’m definitely going to do a weigh-in before we officially start, to see whether the scale moves to the left or to the right as we move forward. Are vegetarians sexier? We’ll see.

Eeny-Meeny-Miney-Moe? Well, no.

I always knew there’s more than one type of vegetarian, but eight? Whoa. Apparently, you can be a:

• Vegan. You avoid all things animal. That means no eggs, dairy or even honey. You also don’t wear or use anything made from animal products, such as leather, wool, cashmere, suede, shearling, down, silk and fur. (Whew! If you are vegan to the core, I salute your willpower and drive. Considering the scarce options offered by merchandisers, it must be tough. I myself cannot aspire to such. Maybe someday.)

• Fruitarian. You eat only fruits, fruit-like vegetables (e.g. tomatoes, cucumbers), seeds, nuts, and other plant components that can be gathered without harming the plant. (Oy vey! Is this even healthy? What about veggies, o veggie one?)

• Lacto-vegetarian. You avoid meat but eat dairy products, except for eggs. (This I can see. B hates milk, except if it’s in cheese form. I love eggs, though. Fried, poached, scrambled, made into crepes or pancakes. Eggs rule.)

• Lacto-ovo vegetarian. You avoid meat but eat both eggs and dairy products.  This is the most common group of vegetarians and what most people think of when someone says they’re “a vegetarian.” (This is us! Common, join-the-majority-in-the-minority us!)

 

 

• Pesce-vegetarian. Your diet includes fish. (Or maybe this. If one day we break down in front of the “fresh salmon” sale.)

• Pollo-vegetarian. You eat fowl, such as chicken, turkey and duck, but avoid red meat and pork. (I didn’t even know you can call this vegetarian! I just thought it was healthy eating.)

• Raw/Living foodist. You avoid meat and eat only raw food, because enzymes are destroyed by normal cooking processes. (Yowza. It must be healthier, but seriously? Can someone really go through life without ever grilling anything? I’m genuinely curious to know if this is possible.)

• Flexitarian. You mainly eat veggie food, but will occasionally make exceptions. (Ah. I’m not scratching this one off just yet.)

I think some of those categories overlap, but it’s definitely interesting. I would love to eventually do interviews of people from different categories, to see how they did it and why they chose one over the other. For now, B and I will likely stick to option four–eggs and milk, please. But we’ll stay flexible, because who knows?

For the Love!

My friend S, who’s been veggie for a while, sent me an encouraging note saying that being veggie and going meatless shouldn’t be a problem–even for a foodie. Whew. I hope she’s right! I confess that I’m a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. I love and respect animals, but let’s face it: they look good on the dining table. Crispy pork loins, stuffed turkey, a whole leg of lamb, roasted and served with herbed potatoes and asparagus…oooh!

For someone like me who used to be a butter ball as a kid and whose hubby once joked that if I had a superpower, it would be to eat my way through things, deciding to suddenly limit my options IS scary. But the alternative–knowing that what I’m about to chew on likely suffered for my pleasure–is scarier. In the article that pushed us over the brink, David Foster Wallace asks: Why is a primitive, inarticulate form of suffering less urgent or uncomfortable for the person who’s helping to inflict it by paying for the food it results in? And my answer is, it shouldn’t be. Should it?

I used to eat for the love of eating. Now it will be for the love of what I’m not eating. But maybe S is right. Maybe there’s no conflict there–just love.

The “Last Meat” Meal

It’s a question I love to ask people: What would you want as your final meal? 

I’ve thought about this myself off and on for years. While the recipes changed, the key ingredients were more or less staple. Pork would be involved–with skin. Crunchy on the first bite, tender as it melts in your mouth. There would, of course, be some sort of fish. Here, I varied between wanting it deep-fried whole, with some sort of lemon/soy sauce dip, to wanting it grilled with mango relish, to having it served raw. As in sushi. Of course, there would be rice (white, mixed with wild) and a big slab of wedding cake with something chocolate. 

As B and I prepare for our quest to become vegetarians, I realize that we are having some sort of last meal. The “our last meat” kind. We don’t have much left in the fridge, having pushed back grocery shopping until after the new year’s. There were only three slabs of pork chop left, which I salted, spiced and grilled on the pan. B ate two with fries for lunch, and later had the last one with some fresh avocado (strange pairing, but considering the state of our fridge…) As for me, my “last meat” meal turned out to be brown rice with sardines. 

Tomorrow, we’re heading off to restock and replenish. Which should be a challenge, considering that where we live (that is, rural-rural France), even the bigger chains don’t stock too many alternative products like bio foods or meat substitutes. But who says anything worth doing is easy? Let the battle–nay, the adventure–begin!

In the meantime, here’s a list of brandless, vegetarian must-haves, according to a pretty nifty site I discovered–VegCooking:

• Dried and/or canned beans—kidney, chickpeas, lentils, pintos, etc.
• Nondairy milk—soy, rice, oat, almond (aseptic packages) (aseptic?*)
• Unsweetened coconut milk (canned)
• Silken tofu (aseptic packages) 
• Pasta and noodles—Italian pasta, rice sticks, buckwheat soba, etc.
• Whole-grain cereals
• Canned tomato products (diced, whole, puréed, and paste)
• Canned vegetables—artichokes, hearts of palm, roasted red peppers, etc.
• Condiments—salsa, soy sauce (tamari or shoyu), chutney, mustard, vegan mayonnaise, etc.
• Dried fruits
• Thickeners—cornstarch, arrowroot, and kudzu
• Egg-replacement powder (Ener-G Egg Replacer) (I can just imagine the face of the French store clerk as I ask for this one)
• Vegetable broth (cubes, powder, and canned)
• Dried mushrooms, dried chilies, sun-dried tomatoes
• Dried sea vegetables, including nori and agar-agar (probably not)
• Miscellaneous vinegars, pickles, jellies, capers, chili paste, wasabi powder, etc.
• Grains—rice, millet, barley, bulgur, couscous, rolled oats, popcorn, etc.
• Soy foods—tofu, tempeh, miso paste, etc.
• Convenience foods—veggie burgers, soy hot dogs, burger crumbles, veggie sausage, etc.
• Whole-grain flours, cornmeal, etc.
• Bread products—whole-grain bread, tortillas, pita bread, bagels, etc.
• Oils—olive, flaxseed, sesame, peanut, corn, etc.
• Peanut butter, tahini, almond butter
• Nondairy ice cream
• Nuts and seeds
• Lemons and limes (for cooking)
• Fresh ginger
• Garlic
• Olives (bulk)

*According to Wikipedia, aseptic describes a product or method that is free of microbiological organisms, that would lead to spoilage, fermentation, or contamination. Ah. 

The Big Decision

It all started a few weeks before Christmas. We get a call from my mom-in-law, who tells us that this year’s gathering would be at my bro-in-law’s house, and that we’re bringing fresh oysters. B, my hubby, asks if I’ll want any. “They’re alive, you know,” he says. “Just until you kill them with a shot of lemon.”

As someone who used to think oysters were luxe aphrodisiacs* and who would’ve slurped them with abandon if her wallet permitted, I was appalled. “How do you know?” I ask. “Well, first,” he answers, “eating dead oysters make you ill. Second, haven’t you ever seen them recoil when poked with a fork?”

Long story short, we brought oysters to dinner for everyone but ourselves. Although I did have one last piece, as a final hurrah. A teeny one, looking all innocent, yummy and, had I not known otherwise, dead. I splashed lemon all over it, along with a dash of soy sauce-vinaigrette. It didn’t move–but maybe because I wasn’t really looking.

A few days after, I was browsing through kotke.org when I chanced upon David Foster Wallace’s 2004 piece, Consider the Lobster, in which he vividly described how lobsters, being sentient beings, in fact seem to suffer and feel pain, as seen from how they exhibit preferences (such as, while still in the ocean, migrating to temperatures they like best) and how, upon capture and as they’re being prepared to be eaten, they struggle, trash and try to clamber out of the boiling pot.

 

And I finally face the question that’s been lurking in my mind for quite some time: Why stop at oysters, or lobsters for that matter? What about chicken? Pork? Beef? I remember the faces of the cows we pass by in the fields, every time we head to town. When we stop our van in front of them, they look at us one by one, chewing and mooing, until eventually the whole herd is staring us down. As if daring us to make a move or come any closer.

I turn to B: “Let’s do it,” I say. “Let’s stop eating meat.” We’ve tried, in the past, to become vegetarians, but somehow never survive for more than a day or so. This time, I have a feeling we’ll last a bit longer. That maybe we’ve reached an internal tipping point.

B asks me, does that mean we can’t eat fish too? Having seen firsthand, at the port in Malibu Beach, how fish asphyxiate and flop helplessly before they die, I gulp and say yes. But I tell him that eggs might be okay. And shrimps. After all, shrimps don’t seem to suffer much, do they?**

 

*As it turns out, oysters have zero effect on sexual desire.

**Are shrimps sentient and therefore capable of suffering? I don’t know. Some are for, and some against. B says if we go for it, we should go all the way–meaning no meat, mollusks, crustaceans, etc. I don’t think we’ll really stick to such a stringent diet, but we can try. So I started this blog as a way to track our progress, and to keep us honest. Well, more or less.