Detox? Schmitocks!

HALT! Before you spend your greens on another beautifying-slash-slimming-slash-detox product, check out a recent headline by the BBC News. Apparently, scientists have debunked (yet again, don’t they do this every coupla years or so?) that those products you see on TV, magazine ads and catalogues–vitamins, shampoo, detox patches and even body brushes–that promise you quick and efficient results if you only shell out several tens and sometimes even hundreds of bucks, are nothing but flukes. They don’t really work as promised. In other words, you’re being screwed.

The scientists even got a majority of the companies questioned to admit that “…they had simply renamed processes like cleaning or brushing, as detox.” Oy, vey. That’s marketing, for you! 

Evelyn Harvey, a biologist who looked into a five-day detox product from popular retailer Boots, said that if consumers followed the healthy diet that was recommended alongside the supplement they would probably feel better–but it would have nothing to do with the product itself. In fact, the UK charitable trust Sense About Science reviewed 15 products, from bottled water to face scrub, and found many of the detox claims to be “meaningless.” Eating fruit and vegetables is the best way to feel healthy, researchers say. 

To read the full article, clicky here. Now excuse me while I go bite on an apple.

Lovable, Gruesome Roald Dahl

I *heart* Roald Dahl. As a kid, I spent most of my allowance and countless afternoons browsing through bookstore bins full of old mags and Danielle Steel paperbacks, and it was always a good day when I chanced upon something by Roald Dahl. How I wished then that there really was a Chocolate Factory!  (A quick Google search tells me that there are, in fact, many–but that’s another topic.)

While I remember him to be an unsentimental writer, I never realized how gruesome Dahl could be. Until today. Most well-known for his novels for children (James and the Giant Peach, Matilda, and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), Dahl apparently was also a prolific writer of short stories and snippets for adults. And believe you me, he doesn’t mince words. Which makes me *heart* him even more.

Following, for example, is a poem he wrote about pigs. And here, beautfiully illustrated by Max Hattler and Martin Heaton  (albeit abridged), is a short story he wrote about pigs. Pigs figure pretty highly in Dahl’s world, and frankly, that’s how it should be.

The Pig

In England once there lived a big
And wonderfully clever pig.
To everybody it was plain
That Piggy had a massive brain.
He worked out sums inside his head,
There was no book he hadn’t read.
He knew what made an airplane fly,
He knew how engines worked and why.
He knew all this, but in the end
One question drove him round the bend:
He simply couldn’t puzzle out
What LIFE was really all about.
What was the reason for his birth?
Why was he placed upon this earth?
His giant brain went round and round.
Alas, no answer could be found.
Till suddenly one wondrous night.
All in a flash he saw the light.
He jumped up like a ballet dancer
And yelled, “By gum, I’ve got the answer!”
“They want my bacon slice by slice
“To sell at a tremendous price!
“They want my tender juicy chops
“To put in all the butcher’s shops!
“They want my pork to make a roast
“And that’s the part’ll cost the most!
“They want my sausages in strings!
“They even want my chitterlings!
“The butcher’s shop! The carving knife!
“That is the reason for my life!”
Such thoughts as these are not designed
To give a pig great piece of mind.
Next morning, in comes Farmer Bland,
A pail of pigswill in his hand,
And piggy with a mighty roar,
Bashes the farmer to the floor…
Now comes the rather grizzly bit
So let’s not make too much of it,
Except that you must understand
That Piggy did eat Farmer Bland,
He ate him up from head to toe,
Chewing the pieces nice and slow.
It took an hour to reach the feet,
Because there was so much to eat,
And when he finished, Pig, of course,
Felt absolutely no remorse.
Slowly he scratched his brainy head
And with a little smile he said,
“I had a fairly powerful hunch
“That he might have me for his lunch. ”
And so, because I feared the worst,
“I thought I’d better eat him first.” 

You can also listen to a podcast of The Pig here.